Bob Holness keeps baboons in his cupboards

Bob Holness has stunned the entertainment world with an amazing confession - he keeps baboons in his cupboards.

The ex-Blockbuster star made the announcement after a series of rumours started circulating around his home in Sussex.

“The neighbours had been hearing these strange howling and screaming noises at 1 am and assumed I had been gang banging the Roly Polys again", Bob said.

"All I'd been doing was been playing with my baboons”, explained Holness.

Bob claims to have developed a deep rapport with the primates, even going as far as to climb into the cupboards himself and play games with them.

“Over the years I have come to regard them as friends, even lovers”, claims Bob, who has developed a special way of puckering his lips and howling to communicate with his monkey friends.

But this delightful and touching relationship has threatened to come between Bob and his wife Dolly.

“Bob is mucky. I dunt like 'im anymore", Dolly told us.

"He pick up sum of dem monkeys filthy habits. Last night I come home with sum friends from the bingo and do you know I find Bob swinging from light fitting bollock naked"

Holness' buttocks were painted red and his battered pendulous testicles dangled between his legs, horrifying Dolly's guests.

Now Dolly has issued Bob an ultimatum: "It me or dem fucking monkeys."

Bob is said to be mulling it over.